The Perfect Employee

Bob’s Annual Review:
01 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
02 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
03 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
04 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
05 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
06 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping [...]

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A Smart Dog, But Still Only A Dog

Lifted from my mentor’s blog.
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth.
He takes the note and it reads [...]

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16 Reasons To Serve Beer At The Office

1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would ra [...]

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Just For Laughs – Stress Management

I guess you’ve had a rough week, probably like me. So here’s a seven-step stress management technique that was recommended in the latest psychological texts. It really works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion [...]

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New Lexicons For Business

I think a lot of people might get confused with all the terms being bandied about in newspapers and magazines, now that the economy is expected to slide downhill for the time being. Maybe this will help clear your minds properly.
CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET – A random market movement [...]

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Just For Laughs – Job Appraisal Terms

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED Made no major blunders yet
ACTIVE SOCIALLY Drinks alot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY Spouse drinks, too
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH Still one step ahead of the law
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE Opinionated
QUICK THINKING Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER Won’t make a decision
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK Conceited
PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT Buys drinks for all the boys
FORCEFUL Argumentative
AGGRESSIVE Obnoxious
USES [...]

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Management Course In Three Minutes – Part 3 (Final)

Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, [...]

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Management Course in Three Minutes – Part 2

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving [...]

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Management Course In Three Minutes – Part 1

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop [...]

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What They Don’t Teach You In Business School

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she already has a boyfriend.
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to the girl and said, “I’ll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.” But the girl said NO. Johnny said, “I’ll be fast. I’ll throw [...]

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